Sadness and Monotony
by kyou fangirl
Summary: its about how Felix's life is when he's love sick and saaaad. yeah. And btw, FIRST FELIX/JAKE FIC ON ! WIN! also a bit sad, but WIN NONTHELESS! :D
1. Felix

**Sadness and Monotony**

**A/N seriously, I am the FIRST person on the site to write for this ship? COOLIOS! **

It had finally happened. While the blossoming love between the popular, blond, cheer-captain and the slacking, nerdy, comic-book geek would seem preposterous to a foolish outsider, to someone who got to see them together often, like, for instance, Felix, it was inevitable. Now, even the non-believers of the past who would have scoffed at the mere suggestion of such an outrages breach of the high school clique system were forced to acknowledge the fact that they were, in fact, dating. They were walking hand and hand down the hallways, sneaking in little, innocent kisses in-between classes, and passing little notes, complete with scribbled hearts on the front, in the middle of class. Even the teachers saw it, though most likely not much more than the hand-holding, as they had yet to get in trouble. They were accepted surprisingly quickly, and Haley being the most popular girl in their class, and Jake being the least, somehow ended up doing wonders for his social life, rather than destroying hers. The word most used to describe them was 'cute' or perhaps 'perfect,' denying their previous ignorance of such a development in the pair's relationship.

Felix, on the other hand, preferred words such as 'nauseating.'

Where most of the school had gained a friend now that Jake was socially acceptable, Felix felt that he had lost two. While everyone thought their Friday date nights were cute, he found that Friday was quickly becoming the day during which he would read an entire Harry Potter book for the eighth time, or write fanfiction, or even just help out at head quarters for a few extra hours, just to distract himself.

Not that he ever voiced these opinions. No, he preferred to act as if nothing was wrong, fighting along side his friends and letting them think he was kidding when he told them to get a room. He could never tell them how betrayed he felt.

Haley always was the one he opened up to before. They had been unlikely friends, along with Carl, the old Troop member (if anyone knows if that guy actually had a name, please tell me). They had recently begun to grow apart for reasons Felix did not like to think about. He told himself that it was because she was a bit of a bitch, but if he had minded that little personality quirk of hers, he wouldn't have befriended her to begin with. It was really that h was jealous. She liked Jake.

This is the part where you are confused because you never noticed that he liked Haley. This is also the part where you are wrong. He liked Jake, not Haley, and she was a beautiful, popular… well, let's face it, girl. If they were planning on competing for his affections, the winner was pretty obvious. That was why Felix opted not to engage in such a competition. He had walked into the Troop HQ when he and Haley had been supposed to be cleaning up together. He was planning on talking to her. He found her helpful. That was when he saw Jake talking to Haley, and knowing Haley like Felix did, it took about five seconds to see how she felt about him. Her face had 'smitten' written all over it. It took an equally short time to evaluate the situation and come up with the obvious conclusion: Haley liked Jake. Felix liked Jake. Jake was straight. Haley gets Jake. Haley never need's to know how Felix felt.

Felix inwardly spent the next week-and-a-half damning heterosexuality in his head every time said brain wasn't occupied with something more important, and occasionally when his brain _should _have been occupied with something more important. He ended up feeling so unhappy that he detached, emotionally. He kept an air of Felix-ness about him, just enough that no one would notice how empty he felt, and how every day seemed to be identical to the previous one. They were something like wake up, eat, think about Jake while he did well in math, think about Jake while he did well in English, eat Lunch as he stared at Jake, notice Jake and Haley holding hands, and then hlank for the rest of the day, thinking angry, repetitive thoughts. It was not the first time he had felt this way at all, but this time he had no one to talk to.

Last time, he had fallen madly in love with Carl, who he had convinced himself was straight mostly as an excuse to not ask him out. After a long, sad, session of moping, he had cracked and gone to Haley for consolation. They hadn't been very close at the time, but they were connected through the Troop, which had to mean something. Later he realized that it wasn't the troop that made them friends, but it was that Haley, under the off-putting, popular side of her, was very kind and accepting. She was the first person he came out to. She had helped him through his bad times, and eventually was there to congratulate him when he and Carl eventually got together. They had kept it hidden, neither of them having come out to their families or school, but Haley had never told a soul. And then, the summer after he moved, Haley had spent almost all of it with Felix, letting him cry onto her shoulder.

Now things were different. He had thought that the last thing he wanted was for them to be fighting over a guy all the time, but now, when it was too late to change a thing, he realized that wouldn't have happened. They would've handled it maturely, he would have stepped aside graciously, and they would have remained friends, because they weren't foolish enough to let something like this separate them. Now, since the only person who knew why he hated his best friends' love was himself, nobody would help him get through it, get over it, and be happy for his friends, and all that was left for him were the characters in his comic book collection, where life was simpler and the guy always got the girl, which, he supposed, was actually sort of his problem to begin with. Had he talked to Haley, he might not be spending all of his time as a jealous wreck, over-sensitive and moody all the time. He mentally cursed his lack of social skills. He figure those are the things that generally prevent these situations, or give you friends to help you get through these situations. Nobody listens to the troubles of a gay nerd unless by 'troubles' you mean the answers to their math homework.

Eventually, he found that even the comfort of his favorite Dr. Who fanfiction archive was wearing out. In stories, nothing is ever neutral. There is always a sad ending or a happy ending, which had once made his life seem better by comparison and cheer him up respectively. Now these cliché endings of the totally straight guy being miraculously gay for the sake of cuteness, or the heroine dying tragically before getting a chance to confess her undying love merely served to depress him further, no matter the outcome. The happy endings made his life suck even more. The sad endings reminded him of how his life sucked anyway, without the help of the happy endings.

This left him with the comfort of his parents, if not his friends, real or fictional. He would have to cry into the welcome arms of his mother, while his father said that it would be okay. Yeah. Right. So he had _no one_ to turn to.

Right now, all he could do was ponder all of these evils life was presenting him with as he stared at his ceiling, dully noting that his glow-in-the-dark star that was Cygnus the Swan's head had fallen off. And with those last, depressing _and_ boring thoughts, he drifted off into a sleep that would energize him for the following day of identical sadness and monotony.

**Review. You know you want to.**


	2. Jake

**EDIT: THE LAST TWO PARAGRAPHS HAVE BEEN CHANGED.**

**A/N This was originally supposed to be an angsty one-shot, but I got requests for this, so I'm adding it, and there will be a third, FINAL chapter later, but know that a) this version'll probs be happier, but I'm leaving the genre as angst because it was supposed to be a oneshot, and b) if you prefer, the first chapter can still be read as a depressing stand-alone, so you can stick to that if you like angst :) enjoy**

Jake liked girls. Jake liked Haley, more specifically. And Haley liked Jake. The whole scenario was good on paper, but, in actuality, something was… wrong. That thing was probably that one or more of the three, afore-mentioned truths was false. The obvious one to start with was the third.

For the first few weeks of their relationship, Jake slowly descended from cloud nine, to a state of constant suspicion of Haley's feelings. He felt that something was amiss, and, seriously, he was crazy about Haley. She was everything he had ever wanted. And… she was too good for him. That was the theory he ultimately came up with, and then wasted a week or two crushing. At a certain point, it was hard to continue to convince himself that Haley's natural popularity and friendliness towards others was her flirting with everyone around her, even to the point where he started suspecting some of her closer girlfriends. Forcing yourself to be suspicious and jealous, as it turns out, is actually a relatively impossible task. He then pondered for a week or so and came up with a new, groundbreaking thesis. It was him.

He continued his observation of Haley, which he explained to her as just being lost in her eyes and so on, and came up with a list of possible reasons he would not be into his awesome girlfriend. It read something like this:

Too pretty

Too smart

To ugly (which he crossed off quickly, not even being able to convince _himself_ of that)

Pretty, but not my type (slightly more plausible than the above)

Too nagging

Too popular

Too girly

And that was essentially all he came up with. Looking over the list, he decided that none of those were deal-breakers. In fact, not all of them were even true. He wasn't one to turn down smart for the sake of not looking like an idiot in comparison. Quite the contrary, he appreciated her help on homework. Popularity? Well... that was another perk. He, on occasion, got to bask in the glow of her popularity, which, quite frankly, he loved. Nagging… well, you take the good with the bad, and she had turned down the control-freakishness lately, for his benefit. Not his type. Well, he'd never really thought about it before. He supposed he didn't have a type, and if he did, he decided it would certainly BE Haley. Lastly, too girly. Well, there was a thought. Not really a thought that could make him stop liking a girl altogether, but a thought he hadn't considered. Now that he stopped to think, he wasn't really a fan of the lipstick she got on his lips or cheeks whenever they kissed. And something about the skirts. She wore them too often. He wasn't sure why that bothered him, which, well, it didn't _bother_ him, per say, but he just didn't really get what was so hot about short skirts. And he preferred girls who wore less pink. He also preferred people who… And that—when he thought 'people,' not 'girls'—was around the time his subconscious stopped him dead in his tracks, telling him that that was a dangerous road better left untraveled. It was also the time around which his relatively limited attention span, which had already been stretched pretty thin on this topic that hadn't left his mind for over a month, decided to give up. In fact, it was so simultaneous that he essentially just dropped it without a second thought, just in time for his date with Haley.

It was, strangely enough, his giving up in his attempts to figure out the problem that eventually led him to the discovery of it. Once he was done focusing completely on his and Haley's relationship, he remembered that he had a life outside her. Admittedly not _much_ of one, seeing as he was only a socially acceptable person to be _because_ he was dating Haley, but he did have Felix, who he'd been neglecting completely outside of the troop.

He was quite fond of his friend. In fact, in his time at their school, he had become his best friend. It sort of made him feel bad about having neglected him. Additionally, when he started hanging out with him again, he started to feel better in general. While the knowledge that something was wrong with him and Haley weighed down upon him, he felt relaxed around Felix. This, consequentially, led to him spending far more time with Felix than Haley—ie someone he felt comfortable around as opposed to someone who caused him tons of emotional stress—which, while going unnoticed by Jake himself, was _very much _noticed by both Felix and Haley, who each had very different feelings about this new development. Felix, on the one hand seemed quite pleased about it.

Haley, on the other hand, did not. At first she noticed almost nothing. Then her boyfriend started vanishing as soon as the bell rung, off to go to nerd conventions with Felix for four hours and then go home to do some of his homework. Since school hours were split relatively evenly between Felix, Haley and school itself, that meant that Haley got a third of his school day, the same amount that _school_ got, while Felix got all the REST of the time not necessary for school work or family time. That was hard to ignore past a certain point. Like when he _forgot_ that they _always_ hang out on Friday afternoons because he was showing Felix the new Halo game. Really, at that point Haley was just a bit fed up.

"where r u?" she texted from her house, where they had been going to meet to watch a movie.

"Felix's house. This new game is SICK! Sry, cant text after this. Were almost to the end of the game. Gotta focus. Byebye xoxo" was the reply that made her groan in frustration, knowing that sending another text would be useless now, and tossing her phone across the room, where it landed dejectedly on her pillow-heaped couch.

After this pattern continued for a while, it was no surprise to Haley or Jake when they broke up. It wasn't a good parting. There were no promises to remain friends, though they surely would with time. But while they were cuddling with the movie Haley had picked, just like every movie they had watched, they had somehow ended up in tears, shouting at each other about how Jake never wanted to spend time with Haley and Haley never cared about things that were important to Jake (like zombie movies). Jake had left to walk the relatively short distance to his own house, a sense of relief sweeping over him as soon as he was out, making a mental note to burn the copy of "Sweet Home Alabama" Haley had left playing in his DVD player.

It was on the cold walk home from Haley's house that night that Jake decided to revisit his original list of truths that he had come up with to understand what went wrong. He liked girls. He liked Haley. Haley liked him. In his head, he switched the first and the last of the three to mentally place them in order of likelihood in his mind. After close examination of the first, he decided that while he had enjoyed little to no time with Haley, and had decided to mostly blame her for that, she had liked him. The second one was questionable. He supposed that if he had been _that_ miserable, he probably didn't _like_ like Haley, but there was absolutely no reason. Again: perfect on paper. But he _didn't_ like her. At all. The third was mostly a side note that was on the list for… no apparent reason, but wasn't actually one he had planned to consider. It was an undisputed fact. It was true.

It was only when Felix's warm, familiar house came into view, that Felix realized with a shock that the last fact mightn't be completely true. He then realized that he had known for days, weeks, maybe ever since he had started hanging out with Felix.

**A/N Review! Third chapter'll be up…. Laterish… at some point. Im in the middle of SO MANY FICS, AND I HAVENT UPDATED SOME IN MONTHS, so don't exactly hold your breath, but I'll try to be timely since I only have one chapter left.**

**PS Okay, so some people flamed my fic and others for the same shipping because of the homosexual themes that 'grows them out a bit…' so I have two things to say: 1) if you want someone to give a crap, spellcheck your review and THEN send it, moron. If not, I've got not complaints :) they're HILARIOUS to read lol. 2) Seriously, if you get so 'growsed' out, why would you ever read a fic with two male main characters and ROMANCE AS A GENRE! **


	3. Felix and Jake

**EDIT: SO sorry! I messed up the whole continuity of this story because I forgot the details of the previous chapter when I wrote this! I EDTIED THE LAST TWO PARAGRAPHS OF CHAPTER 2, so if you haven't read that edit, you might want to go back. SO SORRY! ARGH! EPIC FAIL! PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND _PLEASE REVIEW! XOXOXO_**

**A/N LAST CHAPTER! WOOHOO! Oh, and Critic dude, I'm probs never gonna talk to or hear from you again, so you're the one to whom I would like to say a) thank you for the entertaining reviews, and b) they just wouldn't have been so funny if you weren't such a moron. To all my other reviewers, I would like to offer some more sincere gratitude. I hope you will all leave me with some parting comments and I hope my ending is to all of your satisfactions. Thank you for reading and remember to GIVE ME SOME JALIX TO READ SOME TIME SOON!**

It was a cold night and wind rattled Felix's window slightly. He himself was happily doing homework, making a note to correct his teacher on a grammatical error in the assignment the next day. That was when he got a text. Quietly he cursed himself for having his phone on while working, a habit he tried to avoid, and then again for being unable to resist the urge to answer it, despite the knowledge that he knew it wasn't Jake. Jake was on a date with Haley tonight, and had blown him off to do so. Admittedly she had bent his arm quite a bit, and considering the time they spent together it was actually quite reasonable, but Felix still felt lonely.

To his surprise, the undisciplined habit of checking his text while working paid off. The text was from Jake.

'I bet Haley's happy about that,' he thought both bitterly and mirthfully.

"Comin over 2 ur plce Its to cold and windy to walk 2 mine" read the text, supplying no further information. Felix straightened up instantly and hastened to neaten his desk.

Meanwhile, Jake walked along the street, clutching his jacket to himself against the cold, but smiling in spite of it. He looked up when he reached Felix's house and, seeing the window already opened for him, he lifted himself up the ladder-like tree and was in Felix's room within ten seconds. It wasn't so much that he had a reason to not take the door, but they had discovered some time last week that the tree was both more fun and slightly quicker.

"How was your date?" asked Felix in a voice that perhaps showed more of his bitterness at the date itself than his happiness at the fact that Jake was clearly done with it and now in his room.

"Well," started Jake, his smile fading a bit as he realized that he really shouldn't be so happy. "I… I broke up with her," he said, the actual out-loud saying of it making him deflate slightly.

Jake, in a bizarrely choke-like attempt at hiding an idiotic smile, blanched and asked "why? I thought things were going well," he asked, hiding his hopefulness behind a look of concern and friendly interest.

"Dude, I've been hanging out with you twenty-four seven. I haven't had _time_ for other things to go well," he said, realizing after that, not only did that sound too gay to himself, but it probably sounded a bit too accusatory to his friend. "I mean, I was hanging out with you _because_ things weren't going well with her," he tried, immediately realizing that that sounded like he was using Felix as an excuse—and a poor one at that—to avoid his girlfriend. "I mean, I just wasn't interested in her the way I thought I was…" he muttered finally, content that this time, despite the stumbling and the lack of volume, he hadn't said something too stupid. An important thing to note is that, at this point, several months after his getting together with Haley, Jake had both noticed and accepted the fact that he had a bit of a crush on his friend. Being both new to liking guys, and being awkward enough around girls after liking them his whole life, he had pretty much become a bit of a nervous wreck around his new, strange crush. Felix noticed but ignored, being generally equally awkward around everyone regardless of his feelings towards them, and therefore unfit to judge or make assumptions.

"What do I have to do with that?" he asked, a bit confused about why his presence in his crush's life had anything to do with his girlfriend.

"Nothing! I mean, I'm just saying that, you know, liking my best friend more than my girlfriend was a bit of a tip off that something was… wrong," said Jake hastily. Wow, he thought, that sounded gay. He had been extra conscious of sounding gay lately. In fact, at a certain point, everything he said to Felix started to sound gay to him, so he just tried, and failed, to ignore it.

Felix, on the other hand, had the opposite view of that statement. _Best friend._ It's a phrase that anyone suffering from unrequited love will tell you hurts. It's almost as bad as "the brother I never had." Felix had gotten that one before.

"Well," he said a bit awkwardly, "I'm glad you aren't with someone you aren't unhappy with."

"Yeah... And, I mean, I really just didn't want to hurt her. Haley's, you know, a friend"—_and calling her that hurts more than you think_, thought Felix, though with a sort of smugness—"and I just didn't want to be unfair to her. I mean… I like someone else," he finished, sort of abashedly. Despite the fact that Felix really _did not want to know_, he figured he should ask and get it over with.

"Really," he asked, his interested tone hiding the sense of impending doom, "who?"

"Oh, no one, really. Just a girl… in my history class," said Jake, lying thrice in that statement.

"Oh… okay," said Felix, unsurprised. "I hope Haley is okay," he added. It was true. She was his friend, still.

"I think she's fine. I don't think she'd like to say it, but I don't think she was really surprised. Mad, yes, but not surprised."

"Hm…"

They sat quietly for a moment.

"Bet you're looking forward to troop on Monday," said Felix, finally, with a bit of a smirk, though he himself was somewhat dreading getting caught in the middle of whatever awkwardness or anger happened. Jake groaned, and flopped backwards onto Felix's bed.

"I don't even want to _think _about it," he said, laughing a bit.

Silence.

"So whatcha wanna do?" asked Felix.

"I dunno. Game?"

"Ah, well I am one step ahead of you there, my friend," said Felix, readopting some of his usual dorky personality in lieu of his quiet uncomfortable one. He then flipped the game revealed to have already been in his hand into the air, reaching for it and missing. He laughed a bit as he bent over and picked it up

"Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets sound good?"

"Dude, if you're gonna play the _lamest _game _ever_, you should at least have the decency to have a newer version," said Jake jokingly as he grabbed a controller.

Felix retorted with a sarcastic whiny noise as he bent over to put the game in his X-box, knowing that Jake was actually fine with his game choice.

After playing for a while, the two saved the game and started flipping through TV channels.

"Hey, wanna stay over tonight?" asked Felix, his voice slightly nervous, despite the innocence of the request and the likelihood of an affirmative answer.

"Sure," said Jake, a goofy smile appearing on his face.

"'Kay. B R B," said Felix, doing the little laugh he does when he says something unbelievably dorky for a guy to say and thinks he's clever. Jake humored him with a smile, inwardly making a mental note of how cute he found that habit.

Felix exited the room looking rather pleased with himself, and called down the stairs to his mother. "Mom!" heard Jake through the open door. "Can Jake sleep over tonight?" Jake heard some muffled response. "Yeah, he's here." Muffled question. "About half an hour." Muffled… "Yes… yes, Mom, I know I need to get to sleep by 11," muffled. "Gaming." Affirmative-sounding muffled voice. "Okay… Okay mom, I will…"

Felix re-entered the room and squealed a bit when he saw that Jake had, mostly for the benefit of his friend, settled on Gossip Girl. "Mom says 'hi.' She also says you can stay. She's calling your mom."

"Coolios," said Jake, smiling and trying to ignore the whiny girls on the screen who Felix seemed to think each deserved a Grammy, Tony, Oscars and Emy a piece.

"And… _that_ is what a sphinx really looks like," said Felix proudly about an hour later, proudly putting the finishing touches on a cartoonish drawing he had just done of a sphinx. Jake and he had been discussing cool monsters they'd like to meet and Felix, after hearing a completely, in his opinion, politically incorrect account of how cool sphinxes are, decided to clear up some misconceptions. Firstly, he mentioned that not all are women. Seriously, there's just _no way_ that would work. In fact, true to the lion part of them, the males did little more than mate, eat and sleep, which is really boring to hear about in a mythological creature and is why they are usually ignored. Also the whole riddle thing is really only a quirk one picked up and taught to some of her friends. Most just rip out your throat and consume you starting with your chest cavity. Also, as it turns out, they are similar in shape and size to a lion's _cub_ and, when not devouring you, in personality to a kitten. Jake, though interested in the truth about one of his favorite monsters, spent most of this explanation gazing into his friend's downcast, eyes, somewhat intrigued at how such a cliché about eyes' beauty could be so true, and just how cute those glasses were.

"Cool…" he said, now genuinely interested by the bloody, comic-like drawing of a viscous-looking lion cub/woman clawing through the jugular of an unsuspecting victim. Then, looking once more at the artist, he did something he was sure he wouldn't have done had he not been under the influence of several mountain dews, and his brain hadn't been clouded by caffeine. A lame excuse, he knew, but in his mind it justified his saying "hey, um, I lied earlier about the girl I like… she's not in my history class and…" he gulped. Aside from the fact that he was telling his crush that he liked him, something he had done before, he was also coming out as bisexual for the first time. "And she… he's not a girl.

"Oh…" was all Felix muttered for a moment. "have you told any… I mean… does that make you…"

"Sorry, I guess I freaked you out a bit?"

"No! No, not at all!" said Felix a bit hastily, as though it was the most crucial thing in the world that Jake not thing he was freaked out. "Surprised, but completely okay. Fine! Dandy!" Felix hoped his nervousness and over-eagerness wasn't too obvious or didn't seem insincere.

Though, to Jake it _did_ sound somewhat insincere, he figured that it was now or never, and he had to keep going. "Felix, it's you," he blurted out. Felix just looked shocked. "Sorry," added Jake a moment later. And after that, Felix did the only reasonable, clichéd thing he could, which was lean down and kiss him.

It was an extremely innocent and short kiss, and it ended with a dumbstruck Jake closing his eyes and reopening them in disbelief. It was so similar to kissing a girl, he thought. And it was so much better for him than kissing Haley. Though he supposed a kiss that innocent would physically feel the same from anybody, it was the emotion behind it that felt so good.

"So… you too?" he asked, just to double check.

"Yeah…" laughed Felix, a grin appearing as he scratched the back of his head self-consciously.

"So does this mean… I mean… would you like to… Wanna be my girlfriend?" he asked, the phrase that had gotten him turned down so many times slipping habitually off his tongue. "B-boyfriend, I mean! Wanna be my boyfriend?" To his relief, Felix laughed at this too, and simply nodded. "great…"

"Yeah," agreed Felix, now withdrawing some of his joy in mild embarrassment.

"So…"

"Yeah…"

"Um, I think I might just…" said Jake, gesturing to the window.

"Yeah, of course," agreed Felix, feeling a bit awkward himself.

"'Kay," said Jake, a goofy smile returning to his face as he mad his way to the window.

"And, um," started Felix, putting a finger up. "can we not tell families yet?" he asked.

"Oh definitely," agreed Jake hastily. "And, well, _you_ don't want to tell Haley yet, right?"

"Oh _god _no!" said Felix with a nervous laugh.

"Great."

"Great."

"Okay then… see you Monday…"

"Yeah," said Felix, and, as an afterthought, he ran over and gave Jake a goodbye kiss on the cheek. "Monday."

And with that, Jake swung down the tree and walked down the street, watched by Felix as he put a hand up to his cheek. Once he was out of sight, Felix jumped back onto his bed and huggled his favorite pillow, Janice. Trying to keep the squealing to a minimum, he buried his head in it's soft fuzz and internalized the sounds of delight. Finally, he thought to himself, maybe he could put an end to the sadness and monotony that had consumed his life. Perhaps this was the start of something good… and with those thoughts, he drifted to sleep, more easily than he had since Jake and Haley had started Dating.

**A/N now here's a to do list:**

**1) Review**

**2) Favorite**

**3) Read some of my other stories**

**4) At this point you should probs do something legitimately useful and not related to fandom so I'm not forced to judge you harshly**

**5) WRITE ME SOME JALIX! PLEEEEEEEEEEASE!**


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